tHiS iS mY BloG

My ThOuGhTS

mY iNsIgHtS

My oWn RaNtS aNd RaMbLiNgs

If YoU don'T LikE wHat YoU ArE ReAdiNg, itS NoT mY pRoBlEm To DeAl WiTh

YoU cAn juSt gO oUt oF mY PagE...

'tis will be my first entry for this yr! i know it's been a while,been busy lately with multiply and facebook! lol nehoo, so far this year has it's ups and downs. the year started with me having high hopes on something i really wanted to do ever since, and i mean i love to do! i've anticipated, planned and prepared myself even but march came and suddenly it feels like it's not yet happening. maybe God has other plans for me, better indeed. so i am still hoping and definitely won't be quitting. i'll continue whatever i have started until i find myself in that place where i wanted to be..i am getting there. i will get there. 

on the lighter note, i'm gonna meet my beybi this april!  after 18 months i can finally see him,hold his hands,hug him tight and kiss him non stop! i just can't wait to spend the days and nights with him, us alone..well not really (gonna meet up some friends too) but i will just think of it that way,just the two of us..it will be just 5 days and 5 nights! i just wish it can be longer..well maybe next time. i'm just glad this is happening.. thank you beybi, we really need that vacay but above anything else, we really need to see each other..1 yr of LDR baby! dang we are so good at it! i am so happy, we're so guided and blessed..i am looking forward for more years and spending forever with you, us growing old together..i love you so much!

after just an hr of writing my previous post about changes eh bumawi na agad ng tawag c beybi and ng email after his lunch break.. as i said, lagi nmn shang bumabawi..calling me in the middle of work or my sleep..pag nkalunch break sha or on the way sa school or before class o kaya nmn after.. ayun nga, nakatulog sha after gawin un mahirap nyang homework, unexpectedly mahirap daw and mukha nga kc 2 days na nya ginagawa. isa lng masasabi ko...love tlga ko ni beybi! he's just too bc sometimes but i understand...and i know nmn he always have time for me no matter how bc he is...there will always be a time for me and i'm just so glad.

lumipas ang ilang araw, linggo at buwan at kasabay nun ang ilang pagbabago. hindi ko inaasahan ang ilan ngunit sabi nga sa isang artikulo na aking nabasa, ang mga ganung pagbabago ay natural lng. ang mga kilig ay kadalasang nasa simula lng, napapalitan ito ng mas malalim ng pguunawa at pagkakaintindihan. cgro kung ako pa yung dating ako at pag dumating sa ganitong punto ang isang relasyon, sangkatutak na "tantrums" na ang nagawa ko. pero iba na ngayon, mas nauunawaan ko na. lahat ngbabago, kung hindi mo iintindihin at titignan un mas malalim na kahulugan ng isang relasyon at ng mga nangyayari dito hindi ka talaga tatagal. lahat naman ng aking nagdaang relasyon ay inaabot ng isang taon hanggang tatlo, lahat iba ibang storya, iba't ibang aral at sa paglipas ng mga panahon alam ko na pinagtibay ako ng mga 'yon at kaya ganito din ako ngyon; mas nakakaintindi, mas nag-iisip, mas ngmamahal...

masaya naman ako. e2 lng ang ilang pagbabagong napansin ko:

ndi na kmi araw araw nguusap, madalas nakakatulog sha dahil sa dami ng trabaho isabay mo pa ang mga klase nya sa iskwela.

d na ngttxt sa umaga pag gcng nya kapag nakatulugan nya ako.

nabawasan na ang mga email pag may trabaho at lalo ang chat . grabe ang demands ng trabaho nya kasi.

d na ko kilala ng manong kartero, dati kc sumusulat sha lingo lingo. dahil madaming ginagawa ngyon, minsan na lng sa isang buwan.

okay lng nmn lahat ng yan, alam ko namang ndi sha ngbabago at ang nararamdaman nya para sa kin. bumabawi din nmn sha. sabi nga pana-panahon lng yan.

just for the record, he made me cry awhile ago while we are talking. that was the first! it was not something he did though.. i told him it was okay, just don't me make cry for the reason that i am least expecting him to do and he assured me that he will not do anything. i have a big trust in him...anyway, he just teased me if i miss the clinic and yeah i soo miss it; the people and what i am doing and it sink in to me that i cried!  i am such a crybaby!!! i really miss what i'm doing, that was my passion.  anyway, as what he's always saying  that i am getting there and it's getting near. i have big hopes  and  i can go back to the clinic any time i want to. i just need to rest at the moment.

it's overwhelming i can cry to him right now, it's really like we've grown so close at a very short span of time. i am not worrying if i look stupid or sound odd when crying and the fact that i can tell him everything and totally entrusting my feelings and insights be it so deep,so confidential or just so nonsense.  oh well, enough of my blah. below is the lyrics of my so fave song at the moment...just wanna share, just for the record.

I can't help myself
If I don't wanna be with nobody else
I don't wanna leave my baby's side
And I don't wanna kiss another guy
I'll pass any test
Cause nothing in this world or in the next
Could make me second guess
Could make me change my mind
Could make me not protect what I'm feeling inside

Cause I'm smart enough to know that this is a good thing
Please believe it, please believe it
And I'm smart enough to stay right where I belong
And I'm faithful enough to know that this is meant to be
And if it's not, the don't speak
Don't ruin it, let me dream

[Chorus]
Hear me, hear me
This is for my baby
There will never be another
There's so many ways I love you
And that's just for the record, babe
I need you, need you
I can't wait to see you
I so love when were together
Can't nobody do it better
And that's just for the record, babe

I can't be perfect
No one is flawless
But rest in mind
I'll be there through the good and the bad and the ugly and worse
So if it's something that you're lacking
Go and tell me first

Cause I'm smart enough to know that this is a good thing, yeah
Smart enough to stay right where I belong, oh no no no
And I'm faithful enough to know that this is meant to be
And if it's not, the don't speak
Don't ruin it, let me dream

[Chorus]
Hear me, hear me
This is for my baby
There will never be another
There's so many ways I love you
And that's just for the record, babe
I need you, need you
I can't wait to see you
I so love when were together
Can't nobody do it better
And that's just for the record, babe

So if there's any way to cheat
Don't tell me 'cause I don't wanna know
And if there's any way to leave
Don't tell me 'cause I don't wanna go
I don't wanna go to sleep 'cause I don't wanna miss you
This is team and I love my position
Lead me anywhere, I'll go with you there
I'll go with you there

time flies so fast and all we know its september already. a year had passed since joseph first sent me a message and as what he's always saying; he found me again after 14 years...it's been a year already (sept 1 to be exact) and all i can say is it was worth the wait, worth opening my eyes, worth being sensitive to what he's calling l-o-v-e and yes, i am extremely happy and fulfilled. totally different from the happiness and fulfillment i am getting whenever i do something for others or just for myself since i am a "me" person before he came though not in a selfish way. i just learned to love and respect myself more as time pass by; experience was indeed a good teacher and i have tons. still, i am always giving 100% of me but along the way i learned how to get back to my senses and treat myself back. at the moment, relationship wise, i couldn't ask for more. completeness has nothing to do with physical togetherness. anyways, we're into this together. i still feel complete, contented, fulfilled, revived, blessed and the list goes on.

september is also my month, another year older - another year wiser. actually i already bought myself some gifts though some on my lists like the blue wedge shoes and pink ballet flats i've been eyeing since last month is still there and the cebu/bohol trip and the vigan/pagudpod trip and maybe some Asian tour and the charity work which is now in process. i'm not a big earner (maybe a big spender  ) but a lil something can give a huge smile to others, after all we need to share our blessings no matter how big or small it is. i have simple desires and sometimes fancy ones too, i can be easily pleased and right now what i wanted was something close to reality...still waiting on my list to be crossed out are wi-fi phone, slr camera, phillip stein watches, LV, european tour, egypt and south african tour to name a few. well, on top of that are my wishes for my family, my beybi and my friends. and of course i'm still aiming for that house i wanna build on the lot that i'm claiming it's mine since they have no one else to give it to  but the house will still be for my parent's though. oh well,  i just need to wait for that one thing i am praying for to achieve all those. i am staying positive and keeping the faith...it'll be given in God's time.

at this point, i just need to take it easy. enjoy the job that pays the bills  that in fact it's been a year also since we signed the contract (sept 3 to be exact) and flew to US for training and some work, go back to the gym, yoga classes and maybe a dance class, read and study more, more time watching tv and movies, pampering myself and sleeping...grueling 17 working hours every other day is over. i miss the clinic though, the patients and my fellow PT's..i miss giving care and treatment at the same time learning and interacting with different types of people. it became unhealthy (i am gaining weight and getting sick) that's why i need to stop even if i still don't want to, my body just quit...three months is very short but soon i will be back and definitely it will be out of the country already. it will still be a long tough road, bumps and curves everywhere but i am ready to face it and enjoy the ride. i am holding on to my love and my dreams. life is indeed a great journey and thanking HIM is not just enough...